Today I had a thought - did I really get what I wanted? Six years ago, I got this job and I told myself it would only be a summer job - just 6 months. My friends warned be about getting addicted to it that you will start to think about your future and growth and then find yourself in the same industry for years. That's exactly what happened to me. When I was still starting, I never thought about being successful and doing business reviews and managing an entire program. All I ever worried about were credit card bills, where to party and when the salary is going to be released. Now I have to worry about not only my job but also the job of all the employees under my leadership. It's a stressful situation to be in. I admit I am having a bit of a hard time managing my life right now. I think I am a bit addicted to the idea of achieving success that I am losing sleep, gaining weight and smoking like a chimney. I haven't been taking care of myself lately.

To add to that, I haven't really been taking good care of my relationships lately. I haven't watched a movie with my little sister (like we always do). I haven't fulfilled my promise to meet with an old friend at least once a week. I am slowly losing grip - slowly getting consumed by work.

Today was the first time I felt like I need to take a break and relax and start to think about myself. I was getting anxious about presenting the business review yesterday that I ditched my bed and just spent time worrying about how I will be eaten alive by our top executives. If my life were a reality show and several cameras were surrounding me, you would see my hand shaking and my eyes changing its shape quite often. I was making all non-verbal signs of being so out of it every time the VP and Country manager shoots a question and looks at me in the eye.

But after about 1 and a half hours in the fabulous new boardroom, I was still breathing. And I even got a kudos from the AVP! What a great way to start my day. I always believed that I am not the type of person who feeds myself with validation from others but that comment really made my day. I was over the moon. There's still a lot of work to be done but at least now I can sit back knowing I've done a great job and that my efforts were appreciated and recognized. That meeting was waaay better than the first one.

Now I just need to manage the other aspects of this so-called life.

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